MOOD: Hopeful
DAY 2: 11 June 2018
Life. Isn't She beautiful? Man knows that there is nothing greater than the love of a woman, and the opportunity to help create She... Life.
Procreation: noun - "The process by which an organism produces others of its biological kind; The sexual activity of conceiving and bearing biological offspring."
The woman, the Black woman especially, is one of God's greatest gifts to life. She is the grounds for new roots, new seeds, new waters, and new flesh. Without She, would life even be... Life?
See, the meaning of procreation is simply: to create life.
Create. Something I can do very well! Create laughter, create stories , create happy clients lol. But there's one thing I just can't seem to create...
LIFE.
Apparently, I suffer from this thing called, Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome (PCOS). My doctors basically explained to me that the testosterone levels in my body are too high. Estrogen is too low, and I do not ovulate, which I kinda knew because my periods have never been regular. They say ovulation = pregnancy. No ovulation > no pregnancy > no procreation.
Brace yourself, I'm diving deep.
I started spotting when I was 11 years old. I will never forget this day. I was riding in the car with my mom, on our way to ODU. She had to do something for her class, and she couldn't find anyone to watch me so... road trip it was.
There we were, in the car listening to all of those good 'back-in-the-day jams,' riding down 460... then it hit me.
It felt as if someone took a lighting bolt and sliced me in half starting at the meeting of my thighs... as if my insides were being shredded apart.
I started screaming at the top of my lungs. My mom panicking, "Jasmine, what's wrong?" I screamed a reply, "my stomach, it hurts!" The pain did not settle. Pressure began to build. All I could do was scream. It was at that point my mom decided to stop at a gas station because clearly I was dying, right? Well... that's when it all passed, and by passed, I mean... gas. I looked dead at my mama and said, "it was just a fart." LOL. If only y'all could've seen the look she gave me in return... but that's when the lighting bolt pain returned! Not agaaaain. Just when I thought it was over, my stomach wanted me to die one more time. Yup, you guessed it. I started screaming. Again. This time, she took me out of the car and into the gas station bathroom. I explained to her the best way I could about how I was feeling down there. She checked my panties... low and behold, mother nature was making her debut.
Unlike most girls and women, who get their periods on a monthly basis, mine only came every 3 months. Then in 9th grade, I started taking the depo shot. Say goodbye to the lil period I did have! For about 2 years I didn't have a single period. Deep down, I knew something wasn't right about that and I made the decision to stop taking the shot, and to not taking any other forms of birth control. Slowly after stopping, my periods came back every 3 months (which for me was regular), but then over the years it started to change again. It went from every 3 months, to every 4 months... and then every 4 months to every 6 months. When it got to every 6 months, I knew I had to start seeing a physician.
Fast forward to now. I'm engaged to the greatest man on earth. We have decided to create Life together. But remember, Life is the one thing I can't seem to create.
I started going to the ObGYN. He prescribed me with Progesterone and Clomid. Progesterone to kick start my period, and Clomid to make me ovulate. Well... the pro didn't make me flo, and we're currently waiting to see if the clo led to the "Big O," and if it did, I may or may not be preggo.
If you couldn't tell by now that I'm highkey corny af. You can now.
Dealing with infertility has been one of the most stressful things for me thus far.
I literally stress about trying not to stress about it.
Will Life ever be in our future? At this point it is all in God's hands. Or as bae keeps telling me, God's plan. Spreading Love & Life to you all.
"Out of all the things She made, her greatest creation was You."
God's Plan - Drake